i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is Oprah even human
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
