with your own penis?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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