i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
