smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
