oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
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I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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