She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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