Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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