I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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