No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
