smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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