Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
