he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
