I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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