Just fell off a train. Bad.
he puts the penis in happiness.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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