i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
