So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
