can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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