I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
