the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
