what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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