This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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