What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
