matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
