hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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