she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
