New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
