i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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