Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
