Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
