oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
