my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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