I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
