pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
