woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
