but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
worst night to have a conscience
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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