chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
