just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
