i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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