I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
