I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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