I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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