My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The uberlube is also flammable
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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