then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
