Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
