duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He passed out mid-signature
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His hands were made for my vagina.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
