It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
