i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
