Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
