just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
