he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
