Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
40s are totally the cure
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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