I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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