Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
