he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
