my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
