i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I need to sanitize my soul.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
