i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize