dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
