I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
