he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
