so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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