Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
