so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
