capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
