The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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