He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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