she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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