I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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