Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
