Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
