Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
