He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
