just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am naked and annoyed.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
