it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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