Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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