Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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