I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
