Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
