i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
