So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just found a bag of teeth...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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